It is very difficult to live in a reality that is completely different from the one people who surround you live in. Above all when the difference of reality is about the abuse you went through. Maybe these people don’t take you seriously. Maybe they are in denial; maybe they are well aware of what happened but don’t recognize it as abuse.
The truth is, to them, your well-being matters less than the image of the system. And they will do everything that is in their power to protect it.
When we are in this situation, we can find ourselves with one foot in our reality and another foot in their reality. Our heart wants to express itself but our head keeps trying to understand why they feel, think and act this way.
Maybe because they are so many to think the opposite of what we think, that we wonder if there is something wrong with us,
Maybe because we are afraid of them,
Or maybe because we love them. These people happen to be part of our family or friends and we can’t accept that they chose a different reality. Deep within ourselves, we know that if we allow ourselves to feel all of our painful feelings, if we allow ourselves to step fully in our truth, we will eventually need to grieve. Which means that inevitably, some of our relationships will have to change. And we are not ready for that.
And so, even in the intimacy of our own being, we don’t allow ourselves to feel our anger, pain and sadness. We wait for them or one of them to see our reality and approve it. This way, we think that the price that we’ll have to pay will be less high.
But the truth is, the highest price is the one we pay when we don’t honour our feelings,
The truth is, even if they give you permission, the only permission that matters is the one that you give yourself.
Maybe you can’t see it yet, but there is something bigger and better for you on the other side. And you don’t need anyone to give you permission to open to receive it.